


Losing You

by confxsed



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Kinda H/C, M/M, Movie Spoilers, Not really tbh, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3134807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confxsed/pseuds/confxsed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Spoilers for the last movie*</p><p>While filming Fili's death scene, Richard breaks down and realises how much he really cares for Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and never happened.
> 
> Okay so Fili's death scene was so horrible, like imagine having to watch your family die right in front of your eyes and Thorin probably would've blamed himself and ahhhh. I couldn't stop thinking about how hard it would've been to actually film it, and this was the result.

Thorin’s eyes widened in horror as Azog led Fili to the edge of the cliff with a sword at his back. His mouth went dry and his heart pounded in his chest. Fili screamed for them to run, but Thorin’s muscles felt weak and shaky, as if he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. Azog was speaking, but Thorin couldn’t hear, couldn’t understand. Everything seemed to be moving through a fog and time had slowed down. _No, no, no, no,_ repeated in his head like a mantra. Was he supposed to say that out loud?

Thorin didn’t see the sword go into Fili’s back, but he knew when it did. Fili’s eyes widened slightly, then closed. Thorin felt his throat constrict as it hit him all at once that he had failed to protect his nephew. Never again would he watch fondly as Fili teased his little brother, teach him what it means to be a leader or fight beside him as family. Never again would he laugh at one of those silly jokes or see those gorgeous dimples. Never again would he feel the fluttering in his stomach when those blue eyes stared up at him or appreciate his artwork and, oh God, Richard couldn’t do this anymore because those were Dean things. That was Dean up there and it was Dean’s blue eyes that had been closed and Dean’s body that went slack, supported only by the orc’s hold.

Richard had forgotten how to breathe. He couldn’t see – everything was blurry – and only when he blinked and tears fell down his cheeks did Richard realise he was crying. Richard had never contemplated what it would be like to never see – never talk – to Dean again and it felt like an iron fist was clenched around his heart and he still couldn’t _move_. There was movement and shouting around him, but all Richard could do was stare ahead.

“Cut!” the piercing voice of Peter broke his trance-like state and Richard finally looked up. “What are you doing, Richard? You’re supposed to turn and go, not just stand there!” Everyone had eyes on him, confused and uncertain.

“Are you okay, Rich?” Martin whispered. Richard was _not_ okay. He was still crying, for God’s sake, and his hands were shaking. He felt so sick. Richard attempted to regain some of his composure, but the moment he closed his eyes the image of Dean slumping forward came into his mind and his breath caught, a sob ripping from his throat.

“Oh God,” Richard gasped, “Just give me a minute, alright?”

Graham and Martin were approaching him, looking extremely concerned. Richard just had to get out of there. “I’m-m fine,” he stammered, “I just need a moment. Please.”

Without waiting for a response, Richard turned and half ran off the set. He slumped against the first tree he came across and let himself cry. Richard couldn’t understand what had come over him, but he was literally shaking. He knelt down in the snow and let the cold seep into his clothes. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly and deeply. He stayed like that until he had calmed down enough to actually think clearly.

He wasn’t really sure how much time had passed, but eventually Richard stood slowly and rubbed his face with his prosthetic hands, wishing he were not in costume.

His chest still felt tight, but he felt more in control now. At least, like he was not going to burst into tears any moment. He turned to find Peter waiting outside the set, obviously with the intention to give Richard the privacy to compose himself on his own. He began walking back to the set, his cheeks flushed with shame as he thought about how he had just reacted. He had forgotten he was Thorin and all he could see up on that cliff was Dean. He hadn’t realised how much he really cared for the younger man until faced with the prospect of losing him.

Peter looked worried. “You okay, Richard? What happened?”

“I’m sorry, I just . . . I guess the emotions got to me more than I thought they would. I’ll be okay, I can finish the takes.”

“Are you sure? We can take a break if you need it. I know how difficult these scenes can be.”

“Nah,” Richard replied uneasily, “Let’s just get this done.”

Richard wasn’t entirely sure how he got through the rest of the takes, but watching Dean on that cliff definitely didn’t seem as overwhelming as the first time. When Peter said they could go, Richard headed straight for the make-up trailer to get his costume off. They did it quickly and the others were only just entering when he left.

“Wait! Richard, where are you going?” Graham grabbed his arm as he went past. Richard pulled away and gave him an apologetic look, hoping he would understand. He just needed to be alone.

When he got back to his trailer, Richard headed straight for the shower. He stood under the flow of the water, letting the heat wash away the embarrassment and grief that made him want to hit something.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun was in the process of going down, casting the beautiful orange glow that only seemed so vibrant to Dean when he was here in New Zealand, his home country. He had always loved this time of day. Everything was prettier and provided the perfect opportunity for some really good shots.

Dean pulled his jacket tighter around his body and headed over to where Graham, Martin and James stood speaking quietly.

James smiled when he saw Dean approach and Dean grinned in return. “What the hell happened with Richard today?” he directed his question to Graham. “I saw him run off and when he came back he looked really shaken. He’s okay isn’t he? I couldn’t find him after we finished.”

Graham bit his lip and grimaced. “I’m not really sure what happened, to be honest. He kinda just broke down. I mean, we were filming a death scene. I guess he got overwhelmed by the emotions.”

“I’ve never seen him like that before” James said quietly.

“Yeah, it was something more than that, I think.” Martin speculated. “He said your name, Dean.”

Dean frowned, unsure of what Martin was saying. “What do you mean he said my name?”

“When Fili died. I don’t think he even realised he did it, but he said ‘Dean’. Like he’d forgotten we were filming and it was Fili up there, not you. He started crying, Dean.” Martin said. The serious tone of his voice made Dean feel uneasy and his worry increased.

“Are you sure that’s what he said? Why would he –“

“I heard it, too.” Graham replied.

Dean felt his cheeks heat up and he couldn’t understand why he was blushing. “I should go talk to him” he decided.

 

* * *

 

 

Richard heard the knocks on his door and he closed his eyes with a sigh, knowing who would be out there. Sure enough, when he opened the door, the blond Kiwi was standing there, hands in his pocket, an anxious look on his face.

“Come in,” Richard said, resigned to the fact that he would have to face this conversation now.

When they were both seated on the couch Dean asked “What happened today, Richard? Are you alright?”

Richard looked into those bright blue eyes and couldn’t help but feel relieved that he still had this privilege. “I kind of struggled with that scene. Thorin was losing his nephew, his family. It affected me more than it should have. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Don’t apologise. It wasn’t your fault.” Dean leant forward and rested his hand on Richard’s forearm, hoping to convey his support.

Richard stared at the hand for a moment and when Dean didn’t take it away, he made up his mind. “The thing is, it wasn’t Fili I was thinking about losing. It was you.”

“I uh – I don’t really follow you.” Dean sounded confused and Richard prayed for the courage to be able to explain to him truthfully.

“Watching you up on that cliff, watching you die, I started to really think about all the things I would miss about you. About you, Dean. Not Fili. When I first met you, Dean, you were the best thing I could’ve hoped for.” Richard looked down, unable to look Dean in the eye while he was bearing his heart.

“I was terrified about playing Thorin. I didn’t think I was good enough and I was so anxious, all the time. You were so friendly and easy-going and _admiring._ The way you would look at me and talk to me – you made me forget about all my doubts and insecurities. Being with you made me feel like I was worthy of playing Thorin. And oh my God, watching you die today, I could not do that. The thought of never seeing you smile again or never hearing your voice. I couldn’t do that.”

Richard was crying again and he felt so bloody exhausted. He put his head in his hands. “Jesus, I need you in my life, Dean. I care about you too much. You’re like . . . you’re like the sun.”

“Like the sun?” Dean half laughed, half sobbed. Richard’s head snapped up at that and he finally looked at Dean. There were tears running down the blonde’s face.

“Oh, don’t cry, Dean. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

Dean wiped his tears away impatiently. “No one has ever said anything so bloody romantic like that to me in my life and you expect me to not cry?,” he laughed and moved closer to Richard, turning to face him, “Richard, I love you.”

Richard’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened in surprise. “Wha – ?” he was cut off by a pair of very forceful, but very soft pair of lips on his own. They kissed slowly before Dean pulled away.

“Is this okay? Is this what you want?” he asked tentatively.

“Oh God, yes. Please, Dean . . . never wanted anything more in my life.”

Dean climbed onto Richard’s lap as he kissed the older man gently. He felt Richard’s tongue run along the length of his bottom lip and he moaned, opening his mouth and letting Richard taste him. Richard’s strong arms came to rest around his back, pulling him closer. Dean broke the kiss, running his mouth along Richard’s jawline and leaving soft kisses on his neck. He shifted on Richard’s lap so he could nuzzle into the man’s neck and breathe in his smell. Richard tightened his hold on the Kiwi and planted a kiss in his golden curls.

“How long?” Richard asked gently.

“Pretty much since the moment I met you. In case you haven’t noticed yet, Richard, you’re pretty damn perfect. I had no idea you felt the same.”

“I’m not sure I even realised it until today.” Richard stretched his long legs out and Dean settled in between them with his head on the older man’s chest. “Like it was always there, in the back of my mind, but I never really understood how much it would hurt to never see you again. Like when the movie finished and everything was done. If we just went our separate ways nothing would be the same.”

“Well in that case, I’ll stay with you for so long and annoy you so much that you’ll be begging me to leave.”

Richard chuckled and his deep voice sent a flush through Dean’s body as he realised that this man wanted to be with him of all people. “Dean, please stay here tonight. I just want to be close to you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Rich.”

A comfortable silence filled the room as Dean’s eyes closed, content to just listen to Richard’s heartbeat. Richard ran his fingers through the blonde’s hair and down the side of his face adoringly until he felt Dean’s breathing even out and he knew he had fallen asleep. Richard closed his eyes, the anxieties of the day finally forgotten, and thought to himself that this right here was what it meant to be happy.


End file.
